Social Media and the jobification of our personal lives

Imagine a world in which Tinder or whatever dating app you’re using doesn’t exist.  Imagine you can’t just swipe right – can’t line up your prospects based on a picture and a snappy bio.  Imagine a time when our personal lives weren’t on display, advertising the product of ‘us’ to our friends, family and the wider world.  

It wasn’t that long ago.  And maybe I’m aging myself, since I can remember a time when these things didn’t exist – when the internet operated at the speed of cold molasses (28.8k modems, anyone?  Anyone?) – and we had to rely on parties and bars, clubs, friends and, if all else failed, personal ads in the paper.  Now, I’m not saying social media or Tinder or any of the new technologies are necessarily a bad thing.  They aren’t – they’re just tools we can use to enrich our lives.  The problem lies in our approach to using them.  See, it’s been my experience that human beings aren’t all that good at moderation.  We like our excesses.  Give us a platform to stand on and we’ll shout at the top of our lungs at anyone within range.   We’ll post pictures of our food; selfies in interesting places; pretty friends and fun times.  All. The. Time.  

And again, this may be a product of my age, but the thought of trying to advertise my life – trying to idealize my existence so that I come off as interesting and cool and fun – comes with a lot of pressure.  

Now, I’ll admit that I suck at all forms of social media.  I use Facebook and Instagram, if rarely.  I have a couple of blogs that I update sporadically.  I’ve tweeted something like ten times.  Frankly, I just don’t think that much of what I do is that interesting.  I live a normal life – I work, I eat, I sleep – I keep my wife company and try to be a good husband.  I hang out with friends and travel occasionally, although not as much as I’d like.  I write and play video games.  Occasionally I watch cartoons.  I worry about money and have a hard time sleeping.  I experience most of the normal things people have to deal with.  I fantasize about being rich and famous, winning the lottery – all that fun stuff.  

With a few amendments, this probably describes a good number of people between the ages of 25-60 in the Western world.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I think there’s something inherently decent in just living life – of trying to survive and pay our bills in an increasingly competitive space – without trying to make it pretty and perfect.  But that’s just me.    

So, back to social media.  It doesn’t take much effort to find the pretty people in pretty places doing amazing things in just the right lighting and makeup.  When we turn ourselves into a product, by accident or design, we have to dedicate at least some time to selling ourselves.  Enter all the usual suspects – Facebook, Instagram, Tinder – whatever the kids are using these days.  If social media is your livelihood (or all you do) you have the time to dedicate to operating in that space.  But if it isn’t – if you’re one of the 99% of people who use it for fun, then you’re likely running a deficit.  Of both time and content.  

My experience with advertising is pretty simple:  a lot of effort goes into selling me products I don’t want, need or would even use.  Sometimes it’s through humor.  Sometimes fun.  Sometimes interest or emotion.  A lot of times it’s sex.  Or sexiness.  Or whatever you want to call it.   

Trying to apply those sales tactics to our private lives – and trying to be all those things at the same time – is intensely difficult and time consuming.  It takes a lot of energy.  And worse, it often turns us into something or someone we aren’t.  It creates a fiction around us – one we can’t possibly hope to measure up to.  

The reason I decided to write this is because of a recent conversation I had about dating.  Full disclosure:  my experiences are all old – I’ve been in a committed relationship for a long time, so I’m definitely out of the loop here.  But I know plenty of people who are still trying to find their match (if they only knew how much work goes into making marriage work).  There’s a common thread that weaves through each of the discussions I’ve had.  App dating has become something like a never-ending job interview, complete with resume (read catchy profile) and standardized questions:  

·       Hi. 
·       How are you? 
·       What do you do for a living? 
·       Do you like it? 
·       What do you do for fun?

 

And so on.  

That’s the problem with running time and content deficits.  The questions and the answers will mostly be the same and the interactions will start to feel stale.  With professional and social media commitments, never mind hobbies and friends, we no longer have as much time for ourselves.  Or others.  We’re constantly bombarding people with (and being bombarded by) information about who we are and why we matter.  Could be we’re just letting people know what we’re doing.  Or perhaps we’re looking for affirmation, a connection – something we feel we’re missing and won’t have otherwise.  Things like Tinder are supposed to give us choice – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot – but playing that field means having to cut through a lot of chaff.  

And by chaff, I’m talking about people who are jerks, racists, sexists, etc., as well as bots, fish-hookers, liars, thieves and worse.  Digging through all that doesn’t leave a lot of time to get to know the ones that areleft organically.

I think it’s making us compress meeting a person into a bunch of check-boxes – an application to fill in – an interview for a job.  And just like an interview, that first impression is all important.  So, naturally, it’s stressful and tiring.  It can even be dehumanizing and demotivating, depending on who you’re sitting with. Now, I’m not claiming to be an expert – far from it.  I just think that the vast majority of people have enough on our plates without having to worry about being perfect or cool or desirable.  

Because individually, most of us are already pretty cool.  Not perfect, obviously, but those flaws are usually what make us interesting.  Am I on target with this or way off?  What do you think?